CHECK THIS ARTICLE OUT.
I wrote this last year...
Dogfish Head is probably my favorite brewery.
Quite frankly, they have single handedly inspired me to open my own brewery/beer-based restaurant.
DELAWARE PRIDE! (DE-MFR)
...and right now, Home Grown has 90 minute on tap!!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Dumb Bitch...
Sorry for the delay, people.
I know you’ve been anxiously awaiting the second installment of Dynamic Palate. Today, we’re going to talk about Bitches.
What I’m really referring to, in sort of an obtuse manner, is this piece-of-shit book I picked up this weekend at Barnes and Noble when I happened to be passing through the diet aisle. Not something I do too often (because one in every million diet books has something relevant to say) but mostly, I stopped in the aisle because this is where my boyfriend was re-shelving books for the moment (I digress). I’m not here to talk trash about diets because they are a somewhat instilled piece of our society these days. It doesn’t offended me...usually. But when I picked up the book Skinny Bitch, I swear, I almost tore it in half on the spot. As I paged through the book, it became quite clear to me that it had no real-life value, unless of course you are starving or want to be starving or you’re just not hungry (ever).... Literally, in the first 15 pages we come to find everything is essentially off limits. No coffee...instead you get juice because JUICE is a practical substitute for CAFFEINE. “Coffee is for pussies” is the quote, and here we see the devastatingly embarrassing attempt at (what real writers like to call) voice. They just sound goofy.
Further more, instead of beer, you get sulfite-free wine <--this, right here, is really offensive. I’m sorry, ladies, but you talk about how cigarettes kill taste buds - I think maybe you should stop feigning that you give a fuck about taste buds (because you obviously don’t with such an asinine statement) and focus on your real message: to be skinny, don’t eat anything that TASTES GOOD - in fact, you should probably eat nothing, you fat piece of shit. I hate to be so catty. But the sulfite-free wine instead of beer really pissed me off. “Beer is for frat boys...” What a crock of shit! Talk about gross exaggeration. If there is one thing that I (personally) will not stand for is the marginalizing of beer (as a collective). So what I’ve resolved is: the ONLY reason it was a New York Times bestseller is because people like to hear skinny people calling fat people fat. Or - perhaps - people liked to be bossed around by two “skinny bitches.”
I know you’ve been anxiously awaiting the second installment of Dynamic Palate. Today, we’re going to talk about Bitches.
What I’m really referring to, in sort of an obtuse manner, is this piece-of-shit book I picked up this weekend at Barnes and Noble when I happened to be passing through the diet aisle. Not something I do too often (because one in every million diet books has something relevant to say) but mostly, I stopped in the aisle because this is where my boyfriend was re-shelving books for the moment (I digress). I’m not here to talk trash about diets because they are a somewhat instilled piece of our society these days. It doesn’t offended me...usually. But when I picked up the book Skinny Bitch, I swear, I almost tore it in half on the spot. As I paged through the book, it became quite clear to me that it had no real-life value, unless of course you are starving or want to be starving or you’re just not hungry (ever).... Literally, in the first 15 pages we come to find everything is essentially off limits. No coffee...instead you get juice because JUICE is a practical substitute for CAFFEINE. “Coffee is for pussies” is the quote, and here we see the devastatingly embarrassing attempt at (what real writers like to call) voice. They just sound goofy.
Further more, instead of beer, you get sulfite-free wine <--this, right here, is really offensive. I’m sorry, ladies, but you talk about how cigarettes kill taste buds - I think maybe you should stop feigning that you give a fuck about taste buds (because you obviously don’t with such an asinine statement) and focus on your real message: to be skinny, don’t eat anything that TASTES GOOD - in fact, you should probably eat nothing, you fat piece of shit. I hate to be so catty. But the sulfite-free wine instead of beer really pissed me off. “Beer is for frat boys...” What a crock of shit! Talk about gross exaggeration. If there is one thing that I (personally) will not stand for is the marginalizing of beer (as a collective). So what I’ve resolved is: the ONLY reason it was a New York Times bestseller is because people like to hear skinny people calling fat people fat. Or - perhaps - people liked to be bossed around by two “skinny bitches.”
Friday, October 3, 2008
My Loathsome Relationship
I’m not quite sure when breakfast and I entered the communication breakdown stage of our relationship. At one point, I liked eggs, fluffy sugary cakes and the arsenal of breakfasty meats. But this side of breakfast has fallen out of my favor. And we’ve never really recovered.
Don’t get the wrong impression; I’m not talking about “eating in the morning.” In fact, I love eating in the morning. Pizza...turkey sandwich...burrito, but the food commonly associated with breakfast has really become a bore.
This bias arises from, first and foremost, my disgusted of eggs. Just terrible, in concept and in flavor. Eggs smell horrendous and in every way make me sad for breakfast eaters. (I will say, when an egg is smothered in cheese, and I haven’t eaten for a week, it could possible be a SMALL bit appealing. But normally, an egg is mostly plain offensive.)
Another thing is the fact that the typical breakfast menu is based around the indulgence of SWEET CAKES. Leave desert alone! Don’t mix sweet, supple cakes covered in fruit and syrup with EGGS or disgustingly salty meat. Pancakes are the prime offender here. And further more, how could it be justifiable to eat sugary cakes filled with blueberries or even...CHOCOLATE CHIPS...before you’ve even brushed your teeth. Let’s get a grip.
As I suggested before, pancakes or waffles should never be mixed with salty meats. In fact, nothing ever should. I’ll be more specific here, SCRAPPLE - what the fuck. My aversion to eggs may very well be shadowed in comparison to my dislike for scrapple. This foul concoction of left over animal innards is a travesty to diets around the nation.
I don’t mean to marginalize ALL “breakfast” foods. I enjoy a good bowl of cereal or a bagel with cream cheese every once in a while. In VERY SMALL amounts, bacon and sausage are acceptable accents to a meal (ie. bacon in a salad). But quite honestly, breakfast has evolved into an over indulgence of taste and substance. My analysis has less to do with those breakfast eaters who eat a piece of toast and some fruit or a bagel in the morning. And has everything to do with those Sunday morning shmogishborgs of garbage all mixed up into one meal...
Less is more, people...less is more.
Don’t get the wrong impression; I’m not talking about “eating in the morning.” In fact, I love eating in the morning. Pizza...turkey sandwich...burrito, but the food commonly associated with breakfast has really become a bore.
This bias arises from, first and foremost, my disgusted of eggs. Just terrible, in concept and in flavor. Eggs smell horrendous and in every way make me sad for breakfast eaters. (I will say, when an egg is smothered in cheese, and I haven’t eaten for a week, it could possible be a SMALL bit appealing. But normally, an egg is mostly plain offensive.)
Another thing is the fact that the typical breakfast menu is based around the indulgence of SWEET CAKES. Leave desert alone! Don’t mix sweet, supple cakes covered in fruit and syrup with EGGS or disgustingly salty meat. Pancakes are the prime offender here. And further more, how could it be justifiable to eat sugary cakes filled with blueberries or even...CHOCOLATE CHIPS...before you’ve even brushed your teeth. Let’s get a grip.
As I suggested before, pancakes or waffles should never be mixed with salty meats. In fact, nothing ever should. I’ll be more specific here, SCRAPPLE - what the fuck. My aversion to eggs may very well be shadowed in comparison to my dislike for scrapple. This foul concoction of left over animal innards is a travesty to diets around the nation.
I don’t mean to marginalize ALL “breakfast” foods. I enjoy a good bowl of cereal or a bagel with cream cheese every once in a while. In VERY SMALL amounts, bacon and sausage are acceptable accents to a meal (ie. bacon in a salad). But quite honestly, breakfast has evolved into an over indulgence of taste and substance. My analysis has less to do with those breakfast eaters who eat a piece of toast and some fruit or a bagel in the morning. And has everything to do with those Sunday morning shmogishborgs of garbage all mixed up into one meal...
Less is more, people...less is more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)