Friday, October 3, 2008

My Loathsome Relationship


I’m not quite sure when breakfast and I entered the communication breakdown stage of our relationship. At one point, I liked eggs, fluffy sugary cakes and the arsenal of breakfasty meats. But this side of breakfast has fallen out of my favor. And we’ve never really recovered.

Don’t get the wrong impression; I’m not talking about “eating in the morning.” In fact, I love eating in the morning. Pizza...turkey sandwich...burrito, but the food commonly associated with breakfast has really become a bore.

This bias arises from, first and foremost, my disgusted of eggs. Just terrible, in concept and in flavor. Eggs smell horrendous and in every way make me sad for breakfast eaters. (I will say, when an egg is smothered in cheese, and I haven’t eaten for a week, it could possible be a SMALL bit appealing. But normally, an egg is mostly plain offensive.)

Another thing is the fact that the typical breakfast menu is based around the indulgence of SWEET CAKES. Leave desert alone! Don’t mix sweet, supple cakes covered in fruit and syrup with EGGS or disgustingly salty meat. Pancakes are the prime offender here. And further more, how could it be justifiable to eat sugary cakes filled with blueberries or even...CHOCOLATE CHIPS...before you’ve even brushed your teeth. Let’s get a grip.

As I suggested before, pancakes or waffles should never be mixed with salty meats. In fact, nothing ever should. I’ll be more specific here, SCRAPPLE - what the fuck. My aversion to eggs may very well be shadowed in comparison to my dislike for scrapple. This foul concoction of left over animal innards is a travesty to diets around the nation.

I don’t mean to marginalize ALL “breakfast” foods. I enjoy a good bowl of cereal or a bagel with cream cheese every once in a while. In VERY SMALL amounts, bacon and sausage are acceptable accents to a meal (ie. bacon in a salad). But quite honestly, breakfast has evolved into an over indulgence of taste and substance. My analysis has less to do with those breakfast eaters who eat a piece of toast and some fruit or a bagel in the morning. And has everything to do with those Sunday morning shmogishborgs of garbage all mixed up into one meal...

Less is more, people...less is more.

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